SCENE ONE
(Opens at Frank’s room as he rushes out for his bucket to have his bath)
Frank: Ah…, this time, I set it 30 minutes ahead, yet I still woke up late for work again. Same misfortune everyday. (He laments hurrying away) Also, I have to wake those morons up every day and follow them up to prepare for work.
Frank: (Bangs on next the door) Oga, wake up, wake up oh… I am going to bath now. Make sure you wake Uzoh, oh! I am not going to wake him; he sleeps like a dead man. Oga, did you hear me? (Knocking harder on the door).
Wale: (Worried from the noises) I don hear una. I don wake, ohh!! Abeg Frank, no break this door. I no get money to settle landlord.
Frank: So now, that is the thank you I get for being your alarm clock, abi?
Wale: (Looking confused at his surroundings and going for the door) No vex, English man. Go baff. I go baff after you finish. (Going for his towel and bucket) Let me go and wake that dead man up first.
Frank: You better do that because I do not mind leaving you guys behind today.
Wale: (Opens his door to see Frank leaving for the bathroom in the last corner of the building; rushes straight to Uzoh’s room and starts knocking hard on the door). Uzoh! Uzoh!! Uzoh!!! Wake up now. We don dey late, oh. You know say traffic don start.
Uzoh: (Alerted) Hah… hah! Wetin time dey talk? Frank don go? Abeg, wait make I rush baff na!
Uzoh: (Hearing no response rushes for the door) You dey hear me so? (Opens the door to find Wale)
Wale: If Frank baff finish na me be next so make you go dey brush your teeth for outside.
Uzoh: Okay, no wahala.
(Uzoh returns into his room and Wale leaves to fetch water)
Cotton falls as scene (episode) one ends.
SCENE TWO
(Frank, Wale, and Uzoh hurried outside as they fix their belts and caps to fit their uniforms. They hurried as they journeyed to their place of work.)
Uzoh: Ha! I am tried, oh! This trekking no be here.
Frank: (Not looking at him) This is what you signed up for to be a leader.
Wale: (Getting angry) Which leader? Wetin we dey lead? Frank, abeg, talk another thing. I no wan vex this morning.
Frank: (Trying to walk ahead of them) If you have to go ahead of the people going to work everyday to make the road safe and clear from traffic, then that makes you a leader to the people.
Uzoh: Or a leader to the cars and buses. (Laughing sarcastically alone)
Wale: I do not blame frank; na passion for this work dey worry am.
(All laughed as they continued on the long and exhausting walk.)
(At 6:04 am, they arrived at the cross road that leads to the central market of the city. Like always, it was noisy and busy as so many people rushed to catch up, causing a lot of chaos and unnecessary alarm.)
Frank: Chaos… chaos again (Giving orders) Wale, go to the bus station straight away, I will take the center place. Uzoh to the east end; look, something is happening there.
Uzoh: Like an accident or fighting.
Wale: This early morning?
Frank: Yes, that is Lagos city for you; it is not too early for anything.
(All hurried to take authority in different positions.)
Wale: (Arriving at the bus station, trying to fix himself into the destruction that was causing uneasy movement of people) Ejoo oo! One by one, please oh! The police is here. Oga driver, why did you pass here? Can you not enter your station? (Trying to focus on the driver with an angry countenance)
Angry Woman: (Pushing people and shouting) Oga police has come, oh! Move, move, do not step on me, oh!
Wale: Madam, easy; you are the one pushing.
Angry Woman: My name is Mrs. Omowunmi. Do not call me madam. (Shouting and facing Wale) Do you know who my husband is? He will sack you; you are calling me madam.
Wale: Madam, it is too early. Be on a line; it will get to your turn.
Mrs. Omowunmi: Which line?
Passengers: (Shouting) Excuse oh! Excuse oh!!
Passenger 1: If you want to talk with police man, then you come out and let others enter. (Pushing through bags)
Passenger 2: Do not cut my bag, oh!
Mr. Ojo: (Heading for wale) Sir! I have told them to line up but they would not agree.
Wale: What do you mean by that? (Speaking angrily) Do you not have a conductor or assistant here? Can you not see these people are blocking road and now, your bus is even causing traffic? See na! (Turning to show him the cars honing at him from behind)
Mr. Ojo: (Speaking warmly) My police, no vex. (Now facing the crowd) One by one o, or else, I no go again.
Mr. Ojo: One by one, aunty. Let oga enter first.
Passenger 7: For what?
Passenger 3: Excuse o!
Passenger 5: Do not put your hands in my eyes. There are no eyes for sale in the market.
Wale: Madam, please pass. Driver, oya, your bus is full. Start going. Everybody, return to the bus station now; no bus is parking here again to load. (People start returning to the bus station for the next bus)
Mr. Ojo: Oga police, do not be angry with me o!
Wale: For coming late and causing all this or what?
Mr. Ojo: But, I… (Cuts him)
Wale: Driver, move out of here now before I change my mind.
SCENE THREE
(At the east end – Uzoh arriving to find a bus driver who had unpardonably dashed the car of a gentle–looking man who seemed to be much early to work. As he came out the car, he rendered the bus driver a sounding slap.)
Uzoh: Oh! Do not slap him like that.
Mr. Williams: Then, how? You see what he did to my car this morning?
Tayo: Haa! (Groaning in anger) Me, I go finish you today.
Uzoh: Do not fight. The police is here.
Tayo: Do not fight, bawo? For where! (Angrily pacing around)
Tayo: (Turns to Williams) I go finish you today. (Not caring about the police man in their midst)
(The noise starts gathering crowds and more traffic as the passengers wait behind to witness the fighting.)
Uzoh: (Running to hold back Mr. Williams and running back to hold Tayo without any help from the crowd) Stop! I say stop now!
(People start laughing as the adventure becomes more interesting. Tayo returned the slap with a fist, putting Mr. Williams in a weak position. Children who would certainly go late for school came in to witness the next combat move by either of the men; some street boys also came in from God knows where to fuel them up.)
Uzoh: Stop o! Stop this fighti… (He receives a hard fist on his nose mistakenly from Mr. William as a warning to stay off their fight)
(Everyone laughs happily as the fight becomes more interesting.)
Mr. Williams: Mr. Police, please stay out of this. I did not mean that for you. I am a responsible citizen of my country.
Tayo: Citizenship self!
(Uzoh leaves the scene carefully to massage his nose in pain.)
Uzoh: (Soliloquizing) Ha! My nose! Na me this people wan use settle fight. They wan kill me for my mama! I hope there is no internal bleeding.
(The laughing children starts to share their opinion as the men combated each other on the ground.)
Eze: Blow him in the mouth!
Ola: Carry him like undertaker!
Bright: No, no, no, raise his one leg up!
Kazeem: Put sand in his eyes and defeat him.
(Everyone burst into more and more laughter.)
SCENE FOUR
(At the center piece of the road – Frank stood to control what was left of traffic.)
Frank: Move, gentle man. Please, take the right turn. What are you people trying to look at?!
(A motorist raising his hands in acceptance as he drives away.)
Frank: (Gesticulating with his hands as he orders the vehicles to move from the left. The right had to stop while he directed those at the back to take the one-way lane to their destinations) Ok, move. Good… good!
Frank: (Giving orders for the passersby to cross) Move! You can cross now.
Frank: Woman, please patience.
(Passersby crossing at a roll. Frank sensing a brief relief)
SCENE FIVE
(At the bus station – Wale manages to fix the chaos at the bus station as the buses start loading in turns and passengers moved freely.)
Wale: Make sure nobody loads outside here again. (Moving out as he ordered the driver that was next to load)
Bus Driver: OK, Oga.
(Walking out of the station, he hears noises from the crowd at the east end. There is a great gathering.)
Wale: (Wondering what the problem was) I thought Uzoh was there, or is he the one fighting?
(Rushing into the ring and not finding Uzoh.)
Wale: Ha! Stop fighting right now! (He screams and before bringing out his weapon of warfare, acting as if to shoot someone, the both men came to order)
Crowd: Do not shoot o! (The crowd starts to break out in fear of an open fire by the police man)
Mr. Williams: (The gentleman now angry and furious stands back to dress his soiled outfit) Sir, I am sorry to disrespect you; this hopeless civilian dashed my vehicle and could not apologize.
Wale: (Facing the driver) Oga, why you no tell the man sorry?
Tayo: Oga police, this man just slap me just like that. I wan explain say na mistake make e no vex, but as the man quick take slap me, me sef I show am say I dey no be small boy for this Lagos.
Mr. Williams: Sir, can you hear the nonsense he is saying?
(While they kept on arguing and trying to win a side with the police man, Uzoh returns from a vendor where he got iced sachet water to massage his nose.)
Uzoh: (happy to see Wale) So, you civilians do not know how to respect a police officer, abi? Does this uniform not mean anything to you? (Speaks with more aggression) Both of you must sleep in the cell today. I promise you.
Mr. Williams: I am very sorry, my police officer. (Starting to look afraid from the cell threat) That fist was not for you in any way.
Tayo: Yes, oga police. It was for me. Please, no vex.
Wale: (Confused at their conversation) Wait…, So, you two engaged a federal officer in your fight? Or am I not getting this situation?
Tayo: We? No ooo! Who born us well? (Mr. Williams trying to say something but Uzoh cuts him)
Uzoh: Shut up! Shut up, both of you! Get out of here with your problems. I am only going to let you both go this time because it is too early to ruin your lives, but if I ever see any of you fight with another again in this Lagos, you will understand life from another point of view.
(They both start prostrating and render thanks to the police men.)
Wale: (Facing Uzoh and trying to hide his laughter) Uzoh, hope you are alright?
Uzoh: (Feeling ashamed) Do not worry, Wale; let us dismiss these people first.
Wale: (Turns back to the men and facing the driver) I want you both to apologize to my colleague, driver, and this man. Make sure you do not repeat this act again, if not, you will land yourself in jail.
Mr. Williams: (Feeling disappointed at the situation he finds himself) Like I said, my police officers, I am very sorry! (Returning to return to his car)
Tayo: I am sorry o, oga police. (He turns to run after Mr. Williams) Oga, no vex. You hear?!
(Without returning a word, he enters his car and drove off. The crowd soon left the scene.)
Wale: (Mocking Uzoh as they leave the scene to join Frank at the center cross) So, those men wanted to break your nose? Thank God they did not succeed. (Laughing)
Uzoh: Wale, mind yourself o!
Wale: (Laughing even harder) I think say you sabi fight? So, na only mouth you get.
Uzoh: Come make we two fight first na!
Wale: Your matter wan kill me with laughter.
(At the center cross, the three men raised both hands in accordance as they gave traffic orders. It was 10:35am.)
Frank: These Lagosians will never change; they seem to have time for everything.
Wale: Ha! Today, I cannot laugh enough.
Uzoh: Nobody will kill me for my only mother.
(Both laugh except Uzoh.)
Wale: Na only Uzoh get mama oo!
Frank: Abi!
(Though, the traffic was never clear as usual. Their smiles soon returned to their faces as they shared their experiences that drove the passion for their jobs.)
THE END!